So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Boobs speak an international language.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
