Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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