Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
