So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
