its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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