Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
