Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
