Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
