so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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