I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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