My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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