So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
