I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
