i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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