he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
