I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
