What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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