i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
