Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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