sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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