guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
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I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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