i would punch a child for taco bell
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize