I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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