i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
