After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
