How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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