I think I won the penis lottery.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
