my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
