Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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