Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
