You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
