I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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