dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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