I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you made out with another girl for some wings
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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