ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
