My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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