you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
