My friends, they love my intelligence
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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