why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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