I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
