I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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