When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
