oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
