she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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