I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize