someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
