AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
