I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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