ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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