So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
