thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize