When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
