He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
