i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
