WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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