I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
