when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
