It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Randomize
