escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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