Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
