i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
