Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
