And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
