Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
