I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
