I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
