i would punch a child for taco bell
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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