you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize