I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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