I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have post one night stand depression
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