I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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