I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
