PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
