i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
