I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
