Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
