if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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