someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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