hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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