if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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