I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize