I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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