I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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