I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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